- Ben Roethlisberger. He is also the second coming of Ghost Rider.
- Jerome Bettis. Jerome Bettis is fat and has asthma.
- Hines Ward. MVP of Superbowl XL, where he was one of the only players on the field who didn't play like shit.
- Pittsburgh Steelers. Teams that think they're the Steelers' rivals but aren't because they suck.
- Pittsburgh Pirates. Need to be sold to Mark Cuban ASAP.
- Xavier Nady. Source of many an idiotic catchphrase.
- Lloyd McClendon. Shitty Managers.
- NL Central. The National League's most central division.
- Pittsburgh Penguins. Houston? Kansas City?
- Sidney Crosby. Unfortunately the wheels began to fall off the bus right away as broadcaster Eddie Olczyk inexplicably posed as the head coach of the team, something he was woefully unqualified to do. Because the Mellon Arena lacks telephone hookups, however, the team was powerless to do anything, and the man they had actually hired to coach the team went to Carolina and did something there.
- Jim Paek. Known as "Rice on Ice" by friends and acquaintences.
Oh, and this line, from the Steelers page.
Troy intercepted 4 passes with his hair, but one was overturned in the playoffs because Pete Morelli is racist against Samoans.
It hurts to laugh.